Grief can be overwhelming, you don't have to deal with it alone
When to think about bereavement support
Many people will receive support from family and friends as they grieve for the death of a loved one. However, if you are feeling that you want to talk more or are finding it difficult to talk about your thoughts, feelings and reactions to someone’s death, you may find it helpful to have bereavement support. Bereavement support can also help to find coping strategies and understand how you may be feeling.
Where to find bereavement support
Our bereavement support is available to those who have been bereaved following a palliative illness.
If you are bereaved and this was not by a palliative illness, you can find a list of bereavement support from Bereavement support in Cumbria : Primary Care North Cumbria
How do I access bereavement support?
Referrals to our family and bereavement support team can be made through:
GP
Clinical Nurse Specialists in palliative care
Community Nurses
Families and patients
Self-referral
To make a referral, please call Hospice at Home West Cumbria on 01900 705200 or use our contact form.
How might I be feeling?
Hospice UK is the national charity for hospice, end of life care and bereavement care.
Coping with grief | Hospice UK
They say:
Each person’s bereavement is unique to them, but there are certain emotions that a lot of people experience when they are grieving.
Often the initial feelings are very intense, and can involve a longing to be reunited with the person who has died. As well as significant emotional pain, you might have physical reactions you have never experienced before, like heart palpitations, tiredness, or dizziness.
It can seem like things are not 'real', and it might be difficult to think about anything apart from the person who has died. It is not unusual to have trouble focusing or becoming forgetful.
The period of time after a funeral can also be difficult, as it may feel like everyone's lives have gone back to normal, and you are wondering how you will move on.
In time, many people begin to accept what has happened. You might feel like you can get back to taking part in activities again, and enjoying them. While you haven't forgotten your loved one, their death has become a more 'accepted' part of your memory. Thinking about them isn't as distracting as it was in the beginning, and feelings of sadness and grief are not the only emotions you feel. However the length of time it takes to process these emotions is unique to everyone – it can take weeks, months, or years.
There may be periods when intense grief re-emerges. This is common and can happen around significant events like birthdays, anniversaries, or at a stressful time.
There is bereavement support available that you can access at any point, if you want to talk to a professional about your feelings.
Not everyone experiences grief when someone dies
Sometimes the death of a close friend or relative is a relief, especially if the person has suffered, or had a drawn-out death. It is important not to feel guilty about this.
Sometimes people don't begin to grieve until months or even years later. Everyone’s circumstances are different. If at any point you find that it is hard to cope with what you are feeling, don't be afraid to get support.
Long-term grief
For some people, the intensity of their grief doesn't decrease, even after a long period of time has passed. If you are experiencing very strong feelings of grief and sadness for many months you might find it helpful to get bereavement support.
Coping with grief
Hospice UK is the national charity for hospice, end of life care and bereavement care. They say:
There are no one size fits all solutions, but the coping strategies below might help you manage your feelings and give you some comfort.
Spend time with people. Tell your family and friends about your feelings and remind them that you need company. If your energy and motivation are low, suggest meeting at your home.
If you don’t have family or friends that are close, or they are grieving too, you can contact a local bereavement service through your GP, your local hospice, or a befriending service.
You could also consider volunteering when you feel ready, and if you have time. It can be a great way to meet new people and has proven to have huge benefits for people's wellbeing. If you would like to consider volunteering, please visit Volunteering Opportunities.
Give yourself time. It is best not to make any significant decisions for a while, especially if they involve spending large amounts of money or making big life changes. Decisions that you make during this time can be influenced by your grief, and you might regret making them later.
Remember everything you are feeling is normal. Sadness, sleeplessness, a sense of unreality and even guilt are among the feelings you might experience when you are grieving. Don't be afraid of how you feel, and if any of your feelings or thoughts are troubling you there is support available to help you.
Don't be afraid to cry. Crying is the body’s way of reducing stress and is a very natural reaction. It doesn’t matter whether it is days, weeks, months or years after someone has died, if you feel like crying allow it to happen.
Remember that you won't always feel like this. Grief is a process that is extremely difficult, but it gets easier with time. It is very common for there to be good days and bad days, but in time the good days outweigh the bad. By staying active, and focusing on each day as it comes, things will get easier.
Supporting someone when you are grieving too
If you are grieving at the same time as a family member, partner or friend, make sure you acknowledge your own feelings and give yourself time to grieve too. If you are worried about how you can support someone grieving while you are going through the same experience, these tips can help:
Be prepared for them to want to talk about what has happened, or what's worrying them, over and over again. This can be a way for them to come to terms with the death, but this might not be helpful for you. Be honest and suggest other outlets – if not people you know, bereavement support could be helpful.
On the other hand, if you are grieving over the same person, it might be helpful for you to say kind things about them and talk about what they meant to you.
Acknowledge your sadness but be careful not to make conversations all about you, and how difficult you're finding it.
If at any point you find it difficult to manage how you feel, while supporting someone close to you as they grieve, there is bereavement support available see our ‘where to find bereavement support’ information.
What to say to someone grieving
If you’re not sure what to say, you can wait for an invitation to talk. They might want to talk to you about the person who has died, even if it seems to make them upset. If they are not ready to talk, it can be helpful just to be with them.
These tips might help you when talking to someone who is grieving:
Let them know they have the choice to talk or not talk. You could say something that isn’t too specific like, "I'm around all day if you fancy a chat..."
Ask open-ended questions, or just listen. You don’t need to have answers to make them feel better.
Be careful how you express your own experiences of grief. What worked for you might not be helpful to someone else.
Don’t avoid talking about the person who has died, or act as if nothing has happened, as they might find it very painful if people act as though the person who died never existed.